01 Mar Three Steps to Healthier Relationships
Social impact starts with you and me. It’s about individuals acting healthy and kind, and how that effect, when replicated thousands of times over, snowballs into a kind generation. Society is impacted for the better. And because it starts with us, it’s important to reflect and work on our relationships to the outside world. How can we relate to people better?
- Monitor how you impact others. Unless you’re a high self monitor, you probably aren’t aware of your effect on the people around you. Or if you are exceptionally introverted, you might think that you don’t have an effect on people. But we all do. And something I notice is that if you are forever unaware of your impact, it can be detrimental not only to your relationships, but if you are a leader or manager, to those who follow you. Many times I have seen business leaders so caught up in their good ideals or in their successes, they aren’t aware that they are leaving a trail of hurt people in their wake. Everything is going well and the cause is good, so the leader doesn’t take time to consider the relationships or the people he’s hurting.
- Reserve your judgment. According to Myers Briggs, there are two types of personalities: those who lead with judging functions and those who lead with perceiving functions. Those who lead with a judging function, tend to decide how they feel about things before filtering through possibilities. While the boldness to commit and make decisions is definitely a positive, it’s not wise to allow yourself to live fully in that zone. Sometimes, we make snap decisions about people’s motivations or what the right thing to do is. And while it’s ok to react in your mind and heart, it’s not ok to base your actions off of these immediate, internal judgements. Instead, filter your judgment through other options and possibilities! Then, once you’ve completed a solid comparison, you can decide what is right.
- But also learn to make judgments. The other type in Myers Briggs leads with their perceiving function. These are types that consider possibilities and options before making a decision. And while this brings great wisdom and tolerance, it can lead to an inability to commit or be strong. In relationships and work, it is important to bring about resolution. Allowing someone to hurt you over and over again because the possibility that the situation will change is unhealthy. Giving yourself closure while allowing that possibility to exist is important for your health and the health of the relationship. Similarly, waiting for a client to come back forever is not going to help anything. Allow that possibility to exist, but move forward.
If these three steps were implemented by everyone, we would have a kinder, more confident and more tolerant world! The social impact would be amazing. Please take a moment to think through these three steps.
Which personality type are you? One to lead with decision making or one to lead by considering possibilities? Leave a comment and let me know below!